Everybody gets a Trophy

11 out of 14 of these bitches didn't deserve a trophy.

When I was in elementary school, my sister played on a girl’s soccer team. I remember one year when we were really little she played a great game but at the end of the game she didn’t get a trophy, and she left the field in tears of hurt and frustration, as did many of the little girls that day since only the top three girls got trophies. Soon that kind of frustration was never to be felt again by any little girl on the team, because soon it was decided that everybody would get a trophy. This was in the early/mid-eighties and even then I felt like there was something wrong with this practice. If everybody gets a trophy, why should anyone fight to improve? Why try to be the best if the prize will be handed to you anyway? And why should the top players even bother if their accomplishments were now meaningless? But this became the common practice of our generation, the so called “generation Y”; the generation of entitlement, of narcissism, and of reward for mediocrity.


The trophy practice came to mind again last week when I saw all of the outrage from comedians at Eddie Brill’s comments in his New York Times interview. The most inflammatory of his statements, (“There are a lot less female comics who are authentic,” Mr. Brill said. “I see a lot of female comics who to please an audience will act like men.”), has apparently cost him his job as the talent coordinator for David Letterman. Why? Because apparently this meant to female comedians that he is a misogynist who is blocking their chances at getting on Letterman because he hates female comedians. “There were only 22 comedians on Letterman in 2011 and ONLY ONE WAS FEMALE!! KILL EDDIE BRILL!” They screamed. Suddenly every female comedian became a hardcore feminist and every male comedian who hates and envies Brill was laying their sport jacket over puddles for the poor downtrodden ladies. Give me a fuckin break.

Let’s look at some facts. First, there are far less women in comedy than men, which means Eddie sees less women, which means he books less women. Look at the numbers across the comedy board and you will see there are less women than men on EVERY show. Second, David Letterman is a notorious control freak. His studio has to be a certain temperature. He wants only the “best-looking” people seated up front. He is very very particular. It seems implausible that Eddie had free range to book whoever he likes BUT it would make sense that Letterman would hire someone who understands exactly what he wants. That’s called business. Only A-list comedians get on Letterman; old favorites and the very best up-and-comers FOR THAT GENRE. The safe, late-night, network TV genre. I don’t have numbers here but I would be willing to bet that the median age for Letterman viewers these days is 65. They like the old-school comedy style, and obviously Eddie has an old-school comedy way of thinking. Is that entirely fair? No. Is the man doing his job? Yes. Everybody doesn’t get a trophy in comedy, and that’s the way it should be.

When was the last time Letterman launched a career anyway? The answer is never. Letterman is no Johnny Carson. In fact if I got booked on Letterman I really might have to stop and ask myself if I’m fucking boring. I don’t agree with all of Eddie’s statements in that interview but seriously who cares? Why do you care? Did you think you were absolutely ready to do Letterman but Eddie’s misogyny has kept you from it? Again, give me a fuckin break. You’re not ready for Letterman and even if you were, like I said, you’re probably boring anyway, and you’re probably a typical “generation Y” personality. You’re probably also one of the people who complains that “Comedy Central gives a special to EVERYONE these days!” “Caroline’s lets ANYBODY headline these days!” And if you’re complaining about that, you’re right. Everybody shouldn’t get a Comedy Central special. Everybody shouldn’t be able to headline at Caroline’s. Everybody shouldn’t get on Letterman and everybody shouldn’t get a trophy. But you have to choose one or the other, either respect a person who selects according to what he likes, what his boss likes, and what his job requires, or buy into the belief that everyone should get a trophy. You can’t have it both ways.

Here’s probably the biggest kicker for me in the whole scandal: since when are women in comedy so supportive of each other? Get the fuck outta here. Women in comedy treat women in comedy the worst. I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to be friendly with other female comedians at shows only to be snubbed and treated like a piece of dirt. I introduced myself to a female headliner once and told her I loved her work and she responded with a look of disdain saying “Thanks. You have something on your face.” I have had a female booker who books an all female show at a well-known club add me as a friend on Facebook and then ignore my email asking about how she goes about booking but continue to send me invitations to her show. I have had bitches smile in my face and give me some “hey girlfriend” bullshit and then talk shit behind my back about how I did not deserve the work I was getting. I can tell you a million stories, but the bottom line is, how can women expect men to respect them in comedy when we don’t even respect each other? Stop acting like your hatred for Eddie Brill is due to the fact that you’re the bastion for women in comedy. It’s all self-serving bullshit. You’re mad because you didn’t get the trophy.

Finally, I just want to say that I only recently had the opportunity to meet and perform with Eddie Brill, and I just think he’s a good guy. I was nervous about meeting him because I knew who he was and I expected a real dickhead to be behind the name. What I found was that he is a really nice guy who talked comedy with me long after the show was over, and sent me a message the next day to tell me that he had watched my videos, he thought I was funny and he could tell that I love doing what I do, and that I should keep it up. I didn’t ask him to watch my videos or give me any feedback, he took the time to do that, which is more than I can say for most bookers out there who are in a much less prestigious position than Eddie. I’m nobody. I’m female. He wasn’t trying to fuck me and he treated me like a person. The night I met Eddie, I told him it was amazing to meet him because my mom is a big Letterman fan and I used to watch every night with her when I was a kid, and his response was, “Every morning I wake up and I still can’t believe this is my job. It’s amazing.” That’s what you call humble, and it’s a shame that this has unfolded the way it has.

Maybe instead of hanging on to what Eddie said in that stupid interview we should hang on to what Steve Martin said long ago: “Be undeniably funny”. Keep working. If one door closes find another, because there is no one door anymore that leads to a great comedy career. Be undeniably funny. That’s what we all have to work towards. We can even build our own buildings with our own doors. But not everybody gets a trophy in comedy. We will leave the field crying many times, but we can’t accept the “everybody gets a trophy” mentality. Everything is not equal. Everything is not fair. That’s why it’s a challenge. That’s why it’s a game still worth playing and trying to be the best at. No one owes you anything, whether you’re male, female, black, white, Asian or whatever the fuck little island you came from to come tell jokes. Everybody does not get a trophy in comedy, and that’s the way it should be.