Facebook Faux Pas

I know not everyone is a fan of my Facebook statuses. In fact, judging by the number of people who delete me every day, I think it’s fair to say I annoy and/or piss people off on a fairly regular basis. In my own defense, I would like to say that most of the time I try to post things that I find funny, or at least are the result of some original thought. I understand that some people don’t really like that, and that’s fine, because there are lots of things I also dislike when it comes to Facebook statuses. I would like to outline some of them here for you, dear readers, in hopes of encouraging more original thought, and less of, well, the following:

1. Status Message Overload. If you are posting fifteen or more status messages a day, you have a severe problem and it may be time for you to step away from the internet for a while. I don’t know if it’s internet addiction or acute narcissism that you are suffering from, but in either case, it’s obnoxious, and there is help available. We just don’t need to know every single thought that goes through your head throughout the day. Try taking a walk, reading a book, or taking up a hobby. Any one of those might help. Just please, please don’t tell us about it.



2. Too Much Information. I know it may be very personally satisfying to tell everyone that a girl gave you an STD as a way to get back at her, but what you may not realize is that at the same time you are telling everyone that you have an STD. Bottom line is, it’s not nice to post personal jabs at others, and it will probably make you look like more of an ass than that person. Other personal things we don’t need to hear about: Your menstrual cycle. Bodily functions of any kind. Your sexual exploits. Just use common sense on this one. Assuming of course that common sense still exists



3. Boring Everyone to Tears. Ok, we got it. You hate Mondays, you love Fridays, it sucks when the weekend comes to an end and boy do you hate rain. You’re eating a sandwich. You’re walking up a flight of stairs. You’re watching TV. Know what we’re doing? Cutting ourselves for entertainment. Please. Please. Make it stop.



4. Being A Racist Asshole. I understand your hatred of white people. Here’s the thing. I’m white, and we’ve been friends for twenty years or more, and you have decided to add me on Facebook. If white people as a whole are that horrible, just go ahead and delete me, because I have no control over my own race, what my ancestors did or what some ignorant fuck may currently be doing. This also goes for racists in general who choose to spout their boorish bullshit all over Facebook. If you hate black people, bye bye. If you hate Asians, adios. If you hate Hispanics, go fuck yourself, because I can’t think of a word for goodbye that starts with an H.



5. Referring to Yourself in the Third Person. Amy thinks that people who refer to themselves in the third person are weird and kind of creepy. She thinks that that is behavior that is indicative of schizophrenia. She would like you to cut it out.

Some of you may disagree with some of my thoughts here, and will most likely delete me after reading this. Before you do that, I would just like to say, Thank you, and enjoy your sandwich.