How 'Bout Just Jeans and a T-Shirt?

I was talking to a comic friend the other night about his struggles with getting booked for shows and we came to the conclusion that one of his problems may be that while he is very handsome and very funny, he is also one of many hundreds of handsome funny white guys with facial hair trying to make it in the world of comedy, purely on good clever jokes. This is a big problem because while an audience may enjoy you and even remember your jokes later, they probably won’t remember exactly who you were or which jokes were yours, because you looked almost exactly the same as the eight other comics they saw perform that night. A conversation after the show might go like this:

“That one guy was so funny.”

“Which guy?”

“The white guy with the beard and the flannel shirt. The one with the Monopoly joke.”

“Oh you mean the one that went second?”

“No I think he went sixth or eighth.”

“Oh I don’t know who you mean. The Indian guy was hysterical though, right?”

“Yeah he was. What a catchy name too; Mandeep Mandoop. We should Google him and ask him to perform at our gigantic high-paying gig where thousands of our friends who love to laugh will be in attendance.”

See? That’s bad, and it’s kind of unfair. It’s hard to get by in comedy these days purely on joke quality. I have to admit and acknowledge that it is also unfair that I get gigs because I have boobs, but I digress. My friend and I decided that perhaps a change of wardrobe might help him distinguish himself, and that is what led me write this note.

I spent some time online today checking out today’s fashions for men to see if I could find anything my friend might be able to pull off, and I have to share what I found with you, in the same way that a friend must share the putrid rotting smell they found in the basement with you. I have never been a big fan of high fashion in general and I have certainly never explored men’s high fashion, and what I found in the Fashion Week Spring 2010 Milan/Paris collections reminded me why. Let’s begin.

This is a denim tube-top ensemble by Jean Paul Gaultier. This is for girls. The bracelets and rings are also for girls. This outfit was included in the wrong collection. Because it’s for girls.

This monstrosity is from the Vivienne Westwood collection. And by collection I mean shit she collected in her attic for the last thirty years and decided to throw on some poor metro-sexual because she ran out of ideas. Too many bags and not enough coordination asshole. This looks homeless.

This ensemble by Dolce and Gabbana can be worn for a leisurely walk in the park or for an important chain mail repair assignment. It’s so versatile. If you’re completely bat-shit crazy.

Come on Bernard Wilhelm. I mean come on. The PCP is hurting your creativity not helping it. Please get help. Please.

In conclusion, I think I may have been wrong about my friend needing to heighten his image through fashion. He may have to work that much harder on his jokes and on networking to get past the homogenization of the comedy industry, but at least he won’t be wearing a tube top or dried grass on his face. Just stick to the jeans and t-shirts guys, we love you, and clearly fashion hates your guts.